Tilting at Windmills

R.I.P., Grandmother Car. You served us well.

Agh rehearsal agh.

Boom!

Current Mood: drained

It was snowing when I woke this morning. So lovely.
Home for break, this week. Peter came for a few days; we made a lunatic drive straight through from Wilson to VT. Not as bad as anticipated, actually. Peter and my father got along swimmingly; he liked it here.
Yesterday we all went to Burlington: Pratchett books from Crow Bookshop, guitar string, Lake Champlain Chocolates. Drove home at night in the rain; moderately terrifying. I do not know why I get so easily lost while driving; it does not happen on foot. Kind of distressing; mostly happens in cities.
Have been losing things lately: Most upsettingly flute; I can make another sock, though that was a very nice one. I miss my flute.
It felt, to be cliche, extremely right to come back north. Every time I return I fall deeper in love with this place. Cannot really imagine (or don't want to) staying away for longer than it takes to finish school.
I want to live on the Happy Homestead and sell my knitting. Yes. That will be good.
Have purchased staple-removers for Halloween. Mom gave me that look where she thinks I am crazy. Eheheh.
Love.
-Laura

Current Mood: happy

So, there is this word: 'Snaffle.' It is a verb, meaning to steal, to abscond, to make off with, etc. In context: "Somebody snaffled my chocolates!" or "I hope the wee goose doesn't get snaffled by the mink." I am unduly delighted by the existence of this word. Snaffle! Hee.

Am in Scotland, almost at the halfway point of my nine weeks working. Island is lovely, and isolated. Have yarn!

Chef is a horrible old man who yells at me a good deal more than he does at anyone else. This is upsetting - I feel that in the event of its continuation, I will either keep apologizing for, um, existing until I get all shriveled up and mouselike, or will shout back at him, which would not be a happy situation. He seems unwilling to listen to anything anyone says, so reason does not help here. I do not cope well with illogical people - I know not what to do with them! Woe.

Job is mindless. Have ordered The Genealogy of Morals, Havemercy, and Godel, Escher, Bach off Amazon, so brain will stop telling me mad little stories and dreaming bizarre vivid dreams and generally running in desperate ellipses of boredom.

I am earning ~200 pounds/week, including tips, and will make large amounts returning provided the exchange rate does not change. Will (probably) work until July 29, then travel for a week - Hay on Wye, the Lake District - and then home early August.

I am actually really excited about going back to Wilson. It's going to be a good semester, I think.

Snaffle, snaffled, snaffles.

-Laura

Current Mood: Feet hurt.

Just saw Prince Caspian. My inner slasher, asleep these many months, has awakened with a vengeance. The Peter/Caspian, where is it? Please to have some now, thank you.
Overall enjoyable, provided one regards book and movie as separate entities. Many issues - Lewis and his racism, the Susan/Caspian romance (one wonders how they will manage the inevitable Lucy/Caspian in Dawn Treader). Whatever. Also they cut all my favorite scenes.
They did add some of the bits that are missing from the books, namely, that the transition between worlds plays merry hell with the Pevensies' psychologies.
All for now. Off to find fanfic.
-Laura

-Almost done - one more final, and it's Tony, so not too worried.
-Got an A- on the Nietzsche paper. This is good.
-Have been packing up all my worldly possessions. Most will go into storage; a few will come with me.
-Leaving Friday morning. Driving to D.C. with Keely and Gia; having dinner with Rosie and Kevin and our respective families; going out to uncle's in Virginia for the night. Rosie graduates Saturday; Sunday Mom and Dad and Clara and I drive Ratatosk back to VT. There briefly, with frantic packing and doing things. Flying to Edinburgh Wednesday. Back in August, theoretically.
-Will be Library Crew leader in the fall.
-I really want to go home and see if Green Mountain Spinnery will hire me.
-Spinnery is totally a word. Silly LJ.
-So very tired.
-Contra tomorrow.
-The end of the year sort of crept up all sneaky-like. I don't know that I'm ready to leave these people; none of it will seem real until we're gone. Scotland feels the same way.
-Today I wrote a letter to someone. I was not sure if it was a mistake, but it has been read and responded to (sort of - enough, for now) and it was not. This must be reflected upon, later.
-My room is a wreck. Most things are in boxes, but randomly distributed over the floor.
-Making socks. For me!
-Changed the screensaver on the circ desk computers to pictures of ducklings, and baby alpacas, and owlets, and a cougar, and one platypus. Am easily amused.
-Fuck it, I'm going to bed now.

Love,
Laura

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Cris Williamson

Today I bought a gallon of fresh non-grocery-store strawberries (a man was selling them on the side of the road). They are beautiful and slightly bruised and none of them are covered with chocolate. Off to remedy this.
-Laura

Let us have the half-dozen or so recurring internal battles in Laura's head happen all at once this week! Yes! That will be fun!

Current Mood: distressed

There was an Explosions in the Sky concert in the chapel tonight (that is to say, two minutes' walk from my dorm), free. They are rather brilliant.
Friday: Went to get tattoos with Katie Good. She got a large sun-thing on her back; I got a small maple tree on my arm. *Happy*
Saturday: -Went to Animal Haven in the morning to volunteer; fed rabbits and cats and pigs and chickens, cleaned pens of turkeys and geese, played with baby goats. Epiphany began.
-Went to Gia's room and made proper chocolate covered strawberries - white and semi-sweet chocolate, most delicious. Were strawberry fairies. Epiphany continued.
-Drove Gia to party. On the way home, realized that while did not want to go to party, did not at all want to be on campus, so went and hung out at BK(my boss/friend/sorta mentor person)'s house. Had excellent conversation. Epiphany continued.
Sunday: Finished reading Good Omens with Peter. Talked to parents: Epiphany went *whoooosh* Worked, hung out with Sean and Mark (There has been more spending time with the boys in my life lately - right now it's mostly these three - and it makes me happy).
Monday: Talked to Housing - Charlotte and I will be living in my current room next year. 'Tis not a bad one, and people I love will live in the dorm next door, so all is well.

Epiphany: I don't actually want to be a librarian. Doing paperwork for a living will drive me stark raving mad. I will finish school - havetohavetohaveto - and then go back to New England and be a farmer. Or maybe travel for a while, then be a farmer. Mom and Dad reminded me that a) One of us could take over the farm-thing eventually, and b) Stone House is not really being used and would make a very nice farm. This last appeals greatly - I should like to live there, after I'm done here. Must think more and talk to the aunts and all manner of other things, but that's what I'm thinking about right now.

Sometimes I love so much it hurts. Mostly in a good way, I think.
-Laura

Current Mood: thoughtful

-Sick: Spent most of Friday with fever, being mildly delirious; getting better infuriatingly slowly.
-Converted Peter to Firefly. Was not difficult.
-Everybody who is remotely geeky should read Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. Just read it.
-Tired again. Have been up for almost two hours. Bleh.

-Laura

Current Mood: sick

The labyrinth told me go north, and get higher, and remember who you are. One will not happen for a while and one I'm working on, and for the other I went up to Dogwood and climbed the cedar.

I do not know what I want.

-Danced to Elixir twice this week. *Happy*
-Today in Philosophy of Language, we talked about the Liar's Paradox for 40 minutes straight. *Head go boom*
-Hopefully starting a women's quartet or trio with Alex and Becca and Maya, or some combination thereof.
-Almost done with Keely's sweater. Will finish it this weekend.
-Aaron and Leonie have come and gone. No more discussion of that here, as is too complicated and hurty for an LJ entry.
-I am glad Pete and I have one another.
-Monday I drove Gia to her allergist appointment. On the way home we decided we urgently needed very good sharp cheddar cheese, so we went on a small cheese-seeking adventure. Love Gia.
-Rarr.
-Sleep now.

-Laura

Current Mood: drained

Let me tell you a story.
Just before Christmas break, this happened: One Gia, for reasons of her own, decided that 'Krueger' sounds like 'cougar' and 'cougar' must naturally be followed with 'Rarr!'
Two months later: Everybody I know (and some people I do not) calls me 'Cougar, rarr!' This is no longer only a greeting ('Hi, Cougar rarr*!') but is how I am identified in third person ('Is there room for Cougar rarr, or do we need two cars?').
*'Rarr' is vocalized as anything between what it sounds like and an actual roaring noise.

This is all Gia's fault.

My Charlotte came. We went to a Carbon Leaf concert with Gia on Saturday (they are so freaking awesome), got back at five Sunday morning. So worth it. 'Twas my first (sort of) rock concert.

Monday, Gia and Katie and Lane (who has done away with the 'cougar' part entirely, and simply calls me 'Rarr') and I went dancing at the Grey Eagle. It's a decent dance, and I had one of those partners that - well, it was like this: He was one of the best dancers I've ever met, I think; twirled me obscene amounts. I have been growing complacent about my own abilities - I thought I was a good dancer, enough so that I have not been trying to improve. ... I am not a good dancer. I'm decent, but...at the end of the set I said, "I want to learn how to do everything you just did" and he promised to teach me.
I did not realize until today that I trusted him without thinking about it - I would have fallen many times if he had not caught me, and I still did not stop trying to keep up. Hm. Trusted dancing-wise, I mean - I never did fall. (That was not well articulated. Meh.)
Afterwords: Meant to finish homework and go to bed, ended up staying in Gia's room, talking, mutually not writing our respective papers. Slept there, walked back this morning in pajamas with dancing dress over them.

Megan made me a dreamcatcher, so I'm knitting her a hat. Am inventing a pretty cable pattern. Whee!

I really, really need to call Rosie.
But first I need to finish my Nietzsche homework. I'll call her tomorrow.
Goodnight.
-Laura

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Carbon Leaf

That was a satisfying three hours. Drove naked to the grocery store with Keely; she pumped gas in just a sweatshirt and I checked oil in sweater and underwear. We put on clothes for the actual buying of things. Then made no-bakes, have since been being a cookie-fairy with Lora Moon. We met people who did not understand the concept of cookie-fairies! They were all, what? Why? Is it an anniversary? What? And we were all, you are stupid, eat the damn cookie.
I have been reading far more Nietzsche than is probably healthy.
My Charlotte is coming this weekend!
-Laura

And spoons and Keely's sweater and Lewis Carroll, and more Nietzsche. So is life this week.
Skipping contra tonight; not very sick, not enough to miss class, but enough so that spinning would be a very bad idea indeed. I never skip contra.
Pete and I made what was going to be brownies and ended up...chocolate thing, with raspberry hot chocolate mix instead of cocoa powder and cranberries and chocolate chips all sunk to the bottom. We also ate the pineapple. Now a few chapters into Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There.
I think I shall have more adventures this weekend. Small ones, perhaps, depending on how well my lungs are working.
I might actually go to bed early tonight. That was kind of the point.
-Laura

"We godless anti-metaphysicians"

"In Europe scholars grow out of all kinds of classes and social conditions, like plants that require no particular soil."

"We were friends and have become estranged. But this was right, and we do not want to conceal and obscure it from ourselves as if we had reason to feel ashamed. We are two ships each of which has its goal and course; our paths may cross and we may celebrate a feast together, as we did - and then the good ships rested so quietly in one harbor and one sunshine that it may have looked as if they had reached their goal and as if they had one goal. But then the almighty force of our tasks drove us apart again into different seas and sunny zones, and perhaps we shall never see each other again; perhaps we shall meet again but fail to recognize each other: our exposure to different seas and suns has changed us. That we have to become estranged is the law above us; by the same token we should also become more venerable for each other - and the memory of our former friendship more sacred."

Sometimes he is an ass, but then he goes and says things like this, and. And.
That is all.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Harvest Home

Just spent an hour in a wonderful tangential conversation with Pete, instead of doing my French homework. Was so worth it. We've been reading aloud together: Finished Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, almost done with Alice in Wonderland. The list now includes Through the Looking Glass, Waiiting for Godot, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, Arcadia, The Lady's Not For Burning, Hamlet, and potentially Winnie the Pooh, though not necessarily in that order. I like people with whom I can read as well as converse intelligently. This will be a good friendship, I think; we both miss Aaron.
Went shopping with Gia. We had a good (though not cheerful) conversation last night, about why one should not drop out of school and such.
Had adventures in the woods on Sunday. Walked alone over a mountain, lost the trail and improvised for a while, saw wild turkeys, got caught by a security guard who called me 'young man' and drove me to the gate, walked some more.
Restless. Do not really want to stay in one place for three years; think I have to, this time.
Not catching the flu through sheer denial. We'll see how long this lasts.
I am really just procrastinating on the french. Off to finish an essay on mermaids.
-Laura

Current Mood: sore
Current Music: Hair soundtrack

Tonight:
-The Hunting of the Snark read-aloud with Pete. (We'll do Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead next, and both Alices.)
-Grocery shopping, also with Pete. Will make fruit things tomorrow. Chocolate-covered strawberries, perhaps?
-Redwall feast with everyone. Discussion ensued concerning what sort of animal we all were: Keely's a mouse, Andy a mole, Bethan a squirrel (I think). Jesse says I'm some sort of Abbess; Keely thinks I'm a hedgehog (I am so not a hedgehog).
-It has been a very long week. Have been working flat-out for the past two days. Went to contra, but left early.
-Cuddled with Miles and Bethan (though not simultaneously). It was nice.
-My characters have started talking to me again. Writing more. When teachers tell me not to or I have nothing to knit in class, I seem to end up writing stories on the back of my notes. I did miss them.
-Making utterly ridiculous socks for Miles. Have started the second; will be glad when they're done.
-French goes all right, surprisingly enough. I can talk in class.
-Philosophy of Language, on the other hand, reduces my brain to mild hysteria.
-I need time this weekend to relax and think and remember things. This seems to be becoming a pattern. I think I shall walk in the woods on Sunday.
-Birth control is fucking with my head and body. Bleh. Still better than cramps, but we'll see how it works.
-Today is a day for missing people. Hanna and Aaron (always Aaron) and, randomly, Hacksaw.
-I don't know.

Goodnight.
-Laura

-All (most) of the weird social awkwardnesses of the first week back have largely resolved themselves.
-I am so tired I cannot see straight.
-Fell asleep in the library for an hour and a half just now, had angry dreams. Woke up just in time to walk Miles back after his shift. It makes me happy that we get along now; starting to hope it won't go away. Maybe?
-Walk by the river today was wonderful.
-Long-term project: Explore as many of the trails as I can, with company if it presents itself, but walking alone the other day was wonderful.
-Hannah cut my hair. It no longer goes 'blargh' in the back as it did.
-My new roommate and I seem to get along pretty well. Also the room is on a corner and has windows and is generally more pleasant than the last one.
-There are post-its on the wall above my desk that read 'DO YOUR HOMEWORK.' and 'Yellow is a figment of the imagination!' and 'LAUNDRY!' This last is obsolete.
-Have new dancing shoes. Cannot wait for Thursday so as to try them.
-Started writing a story on the back of my Philosophy notes today. Have not been for a while, I think they're starting to talk to me again. That would be nice.
-So beautiful today. There was walking and sitting and obtention of eggs.
-French is scary. We'll see.
-I think that I am happy.

-Laura

Current Mood: exhausted

So down in the village it was raining, but because we live on top of a freaking mountain, we had an ice storm all morning. But it makes the trees impossibly beautiful, and now the otherwise-not-overly-interesting sunset has tinted everything rose-coloured. It is lovely.
I think that I am tired of celebrations, and am not interested in such things as Christmas and my birthday. But I got a few small presents and also that car thing, to which I do not object.
Going out to eat and then to see My Fair Lady tonight.
Thank you for calling, Ms. Keely; it made me smile.
If I had any resolutions this year one would be to stay better in touch with people. We'll see how that works out.

-Laura

-Went skiing in the woods today. Too cold for it, really, and the snow was too deep - better suited to snowshoeing - but still reminded me why I love it here.
-Dance Saturday.
-No more dinners with terrifying amounts of company!
-Am quietly addicted to Supernatural.
-Finished mending sock of Dad's that I made last year. He was happy.
-Have car! 'Tis named Ratatosk, 'cause I'm a big big geek.

When I let myself think about it I degenerate into a snarly mess of miss Aaron, miss Aaron, miss Aaron. Therefore not thinking about it.
Not really missing anyone else. The reasons behind that are semi-complicated and pointless to dwell on, so not thinking about that either.
Content, mostly. Being in Vermont is enough for now.
Goodnight.
-Laura

Current Mood: tired